


I can't escape this now (unless you show me how)

by justelaura



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Canon Divergence, F/F, at this point i don't even know anymore, catch the untamed references, dotarina, happy ending of course, magnus is non-binary, once again i completely ignored sh timeline and canon, or a lot of angst, shsapphicficathon, you haven't given up on me have you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21899941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justelaura/pseuds/justelaura
Summary: “Come back.” She said, the tone of her voice betraying how devastated she was.“Come back where?” Dorothea looked confused.“Please, come back,” Catarina repeated, “This isn't you.”The other didn't seem to understand. “This is who I am now.”Black veins were all over her neck, pulsing and growing. The darkness was spreading so fast. Too fast.
Relationships: Catarina Loss/Dorothea "Dot" Rollins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: shadowhunters sapphic ficathon, shadowhunters sapphic library





	I can't escape this now (unless you show me how)

**Author's Note:**

> Another angsty fic for the shadowhunters sapphic ficathon! Yay! (this event is really awakening my angsty self)
> 
> You had no idea how much I wanted to write this fic, I was just waiting for the perfect prompt and I think this one fits perfectly!  
> I hadn't written a fic with some wangxian parallels yet so now it's my turn! I had a lot of fun writing it! 
> 
> Prompt: You haven't given up on me, have you?
> 
> trigger warning:
> 
> *death: Catarina thinks Dorothea is dead
> 
> *physical abuse: mention of Valentine experimenting on Dorothea, Dorothea refers herself as broken

> _Don't get too close,_
> 
> _It's dark inside._
> 
> _It's where my demons hide,_
> 
> _It's where my demons hide._
> 
> _Demons, Imagine Dragons_

One day, Dorothea didn't come home.

Magnus said Valentine had taken her.

And Catarina couldn't feel Dorothea's magic anymore. She couldn't use their bond to find her. The connection they used to have had been broken.

At first, Catarina refused to believe it. Dot couldn't be gone. There had to be another reason why her magic wasn't answering Catarina's calls.

But then, she had to accept the painful truth. Dorothea would never come back because she was dead.

Months had passed and Catarina had lost hope.

But one day, Magnus came into her apartment unannounced. Well, more like a portal suddenly appeared in Catarina's living room and Magnus came out of it. Catarina wanted to tell them doors existed for a reason, but Magnus interrupted her. They said Valentine was kidnapping mundanes to turn them into shadowhunters and Dorothea had been seen on his side.

“Take me there.” She said immediately.

They ended up in the port, hidden behind some containers. There was a lot of agitation not far from where they stood. Ignoring Magnus, who told her to stay covered, Catarina ran, following the sound of the fighting.

When Catarina arrived, out of breath, Dorothea was standing there, alive, but looking like a shadow. Catarina almost didn't recognise her because her aura felt a little different.

_That's why I couldn't track her_ , Catarina thought. _Her magic isn't the same._

And then understanding hit her like a dagger in her heart. Dorothea had been alive all this time. And Catarina had abandoned her.

Dorothea was guarding the portal Valentine and his men were using to bring the mundanes to the headquarters of the Circle. Almost everyone was gone now. Catarina saw the last man entering the portal and Dorothea was about to do the same.

“Dot!” She called, desperate.

Dorothea frowned. Her black and empty eyes glared at Catarina who couldn't help but shiver.

“Dot,” She tried again “It's me, Cat.”

“I know who you are.” There was no emotion in her voice nor on her face.

“Then you know how much I've missed you all this time.”

Catarina took one step in Dorothea's direction. Dorothea didn't seem to move so Catarina took another step.

“Come back.” She said, the tone of her voice betraying how devastated she was.

“Come back where?” Dorothea looked confused.

“Please, come back,” Catarina repeated, “This isn't you.”

The other didn't seem to understand. “This is who I am now.”

Black veins were all over her neck, pulsing and growing. The darkness was spreading so fast. Too fast.

Catarina held out her hand. _Please_.

Dorothea stepped back. Catarina screamed.

“No!” _Come back!_

Dorothea entered the portal and disappeared, leaving Catarina behind.

Catarina felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't stop them. She didn't have the strength to do anything.

She was alone.

And she lost the woman she loved. And a part of her soul.

Again.

* * *

Valentine had heard of a vampire clan hiding in an abandoned hotel not far from his place. He had decided he would take his new recruits there to test them and see their abilities. Also, he missed hunting. He walked past Dorothea without even looking at her.

“Stay here,” Valentine ordered coldly.

Dorothea nodded. It's not like she had a choice anyway. Her mind wasn't controlling her body anymore.

Valentine entered the hotel, followed by his men and Dorothea guarded the entrance.

She didn't stay all by herself for a long time. Soon enough, she heard a familiar voice.

“Dot!”

Catarina was in front of her. She looked a little more determined compared to the last time they saw each other. Less defeated.

When was their reunion again? A few days ago? Dorothea couldn't remember. Everything was so blurry.

“We don't have a lot of time,” Catarina said, joining her. “Valentine will realise soon he's been tricked.”

“What do you mean?”

“There's no one up there. It's empty. Just a lot of hallways organised like a maze. We spread false rumours to make him come.”

Dorothea frowned. “So what? So you could talk to me?”

“Yes.”

Yes, Catarina made this whole plan so she could approach the one she loved again. Because there was nothing that would stop her from saving Dot.

All these efforts... Was it really worth it? Dorothea doubted.

“It's useless. There's no going back.” _I can't escape._

Catarina shook her head. She knew it wasn't true. They could find their way back. Together. “Believe in me. Believe in us.”

Dorothea laughed, but it was a sad laugh. No glimpse of joy went through her eyes. There was only this darkness that was poisoning her heart. “You haven't given up on me, have you?”

“I haven't,” Catarina confirmed. “And I won't.”

“Why? This will hurt you less. This is the easiest way.”

“I don't care about the easiest way. I don't want the easiest way. I want you.”

Dorothea's eyes were brown for a short instant. It didn't last long, but it was there. Like she was remembering. Like she was hoping again. Catarina used this opportunity to come closer and kept talking.

“I left you once, that night I wasn't here for you. But this won't happen again. I'll never leave you again. I know I failed you, but I will fight harder this time.”

She wanted to take Dorothea's hand, but the darkness was back and Dot quickly moved away.

“Let me go.” She said, her voice trembling. _You don't have to fall with me._

Catarina didn't give up. She promised she wouldn't. “I can't. And I know it's selfish of me. But I can't. I can't because I love you.”

Dorothea gasped.

Technically, she already knew that. Before Valentine took her and experimented on her, she was dating Catarina. They had shared a lot of I love you's already. Dorothea knew Catarina loved her. At least, she used to know it. It just felt like a long time ago, Dorothea couldn't remember quite entirely her life before the darkness. She wasn't even sure what was real.

Everything was so confusing.

Or was Catarina's presence confusing her and bringing her back to reality? Dorothea wasn't sure.

“I'm not the one you used to know. I'm broken. You don't want to take this path.”

Catarina shook her head. “If taking this path means I'll stay by your side, then I'll take every path, no matter how dark it is.”

Dorothea realised she was crying. She didn't understand. Why was she crying? She looked at Catarina who was smiling at her tenderly.

Love. Warmth. Feeling of safety.

The darkness was going backward.

Dorothea exhaled.

Love.

She smiled.

She closed the distance between Catarina and her, linking their fingers together.

“Here you are,” Catarina whispered, resting her forehead against Dorothea's.

“Thank you for not turning your back on me.”

“I could never.”

A whole minute passed and they still hadn't moved. They wanted to stay like that, close to each other, but Catarina knew it was only a matter of time before Valentine would find the way out of the house.

“Let's go home.” She said, still whispering without fully realising it.

_Home_. That felt nice. Dorothea nodded.

“Yes, take me home.”

_Let's go home together._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you enjoyed, don't forget to let a comment and/or a kudo :)
> 
> You can find me on twitter ! (@Onceuponavideo1)
> 
> Special thanks to @randomrambler who beta read this fic!


End file.
